yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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