Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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