You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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