I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
