hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
