Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
