He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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