Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm both gender and math confused
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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