you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
