I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
