I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
