does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
