My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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