Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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