well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
