I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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