Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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