I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're completely useless in the revolution.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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