butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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