my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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