It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
