Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
