Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
