Swine flu. Run for my life!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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