I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Your penis caused this!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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