I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
