Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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