I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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