his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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