Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
