was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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