I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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