Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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