I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
