So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
