She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
