i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Found the puke drawer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
