it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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