im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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