he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
