Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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