The maid of honor just puked.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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