NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
