Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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