I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
