My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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