So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
