How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
