Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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