No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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