is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
