guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
