Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
