Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
