My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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