I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less talking, more tequila
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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