i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
