Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
not ubering you a puppy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
