Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
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Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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