First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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