We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
