My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
