Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
