and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
