Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
