Quick, to the slutcave!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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