she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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