whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
