Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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