I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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