I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
