Plan B is the new Plan A
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
