Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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