Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm really busy with my period
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