I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
