***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
