I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Someone signed my nipple.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
