I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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