yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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