Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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