she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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