3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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