Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
