I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
