What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
