I cannot find my penis.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
