Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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