I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
