I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
